New reports are that Angelina Jolie is carrying twin boy and girl fetuses in her unbelievably exquisite uterus.

As wonderful as this sounds, I’m not buying comments made by “sources close” to Angie that she is enjoying the pregnancy, even though one source told In Touch Weekly, “It has been a bit difficult for Angelina. She is out of breath a lot but loves every second of it.”

If you saw any of the pre-delivery pics of her before giving birth to Shiloh in Namibia in May, 2006, you know she wasn’t loving every second of it and was clearly suffering.

Suffering, I think, is a good thing for the most gorgeous woman Brad Pitt ever laid eyes on (or just plain laid - your pick), considering that he was still very much married when Shiloh was conceived.

Just my opinion.

Brad and Angie are planning to raise their kids in France, reported to have purchased a chateau in the south of France.

Exclusive first pics of the twins might easily hit 10 million, kicking to the curb the six million dollars that Jennifer Lopez was paid for the exclusive People Magazine cover and photo spread a few weeks ago.

Nice work, if you can get it.

Hollywood Rag is sporting this god-awful pic of Kelly Clarkson taken from her live performance at the Hammersmith Apollo in London yesterday.

She has gone on record in the past insisting she doesn’t give a dang about her weight or how she looks on stage but come on.

She could at least try to project herself as a classy entertainer.

I love her voice and happen to think she’s a really beautiful girl, but it isn’t healthy to be so bulky and thunder thigh-ish. Or to continue wearing such unflattering outfits when she’s performing for a paying audience? Crazy.

Check out that left arm in plain view. Serious cellulite and jiggle fat in the works. Not to mention those practically sprayed on wayyy-too-tight pants. Yikes.

I’m not saying that she should look like all the other malnourished skeletons walking around Hollywood, but she could at least put some effort into being fit and wearing clothes on stage that don’t scream, “I’m a lazy, badly-dressed American singer who can’t stop shoving food into my mouth!” when she’s making an appearance on the other side of the pond.

I mean, how hard is that when you’re getting paid major bucks just to stand there and sing?

Apologies for the lapse in posts this past week. I was called away to cope with family matters due to the unexpected death of my father.

If you’ve lost a parent, you know: There’s a period of time involved in the grieving process where you find yourself feeling very much alone no matter how much others may try to console you.

It caused me to wonder…

How many household-name celebrities out there have had to cope with the same kind of loss with a parent in their own lives?

It turns out, more than most of us even know about.

The short list includes:

• Charlize Theron - When she was 15, her father attacked her mother, and her mother shot her father in self-defense. Her father died, and her mother was not charged in the incident. Charlize

• Madonna - Madonna’s mother died of breast cancer at the age of thirty on December 1, 1963; Madonna was five years old. Madonna

• Anne Heche - When she was 13 years old, her father died from AIDS Anne

• Dylan McDermott - Even though he was just 5 when his mother died, actor Dylan McDermott has very clear memories of her. Dylan

• Sean Puffy Combs - When Sean was a baby, his father was murdered. Puffy

• John Goodman - When he was two, his father was a mailman who died of a heart attack at age 36. John

• Lee Majors - His father was killed in a work accident a month before he was born, and his mother died in a car accident when he was a toddler. Lee

• Julia Roberts - Her parents divorced when she was five, and her mother remarried. Her father died of cancer when Roberts was nine. Julia

• Cate Blanchett - Lost her father to a heart attack when she was ten years old. Cate

I purposely left off this list all of the very famous celebs who’ve lost a parent like Lisa Marie Presley, Julian and Sean Lennon, Princes William and Harry, Caroline Kennedy and Princess Stephanie of Monaco.

The one celeb’s family history when it came to dealing with death in my search that I found especially tragic was:

Bono - When Bono was 14, his world was turned upside down as his mother collapsed at her father’s funeral and died a few days later of a brain hemorrhage. Bono

Almost sounds like a bad movie, doesn’t it? And we think our lives are filled with drama. I can’t think of a single person who can hold a candle to that.

Halle gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday morning in Los Angeles. According to reports, after some brief complications from her diabetes before labor set in, she delivered a 7 lb., 4 oz girl at 10:17 am Sunday morning, March 16, at Cedars-Sinai Hospital. The father is model Gabriel Aubry.

On Monday in Los Angeles, Soleil gave birth to a baby girl  (Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg) weighing 8 lbs., 6 oz.  She and her husband also have a 2-year-old daughter named Poet Sienna Rose Goldberg.

Halle swears she’ll never get married again, but I hope she changes her mind in the not-too-distant future.  Even with all of the modern advances we’re making in this day and age, it’s still important for kids to have parents who not only make a commitment to parenthood but also to traditionally sharing a family in marriage.

Although I can think of a few couples in Hollywood who would have been a lot better off had they never uttered the “M” word!

(Paul McCartney are you listening?)

Here’s the cover graphic for Madonna’s latest album, “Hard Candy” which will soon be available for those who feel compelled to shell out the bucks to buy it.

People magazine says,

“Madonna has already claimed her new album, Hard Candy, will “kick your ass.” Turns out, she wasn’t kidding! Witness the cover of her upcoming album, due April 29, featuring the pop diva sporting, yep, a wrestling belt. Featuring production by Pharrell Williams, Timbaland and Nate “Danja” Hills and an appearance by Justin Timberlake. Madonna’s rep says the album’s “about the juxtaposition of tough and sweetness.”

This is just another example of why I pity the offspring of celebrities.  

Madonna obviously has no shame and is so desperate to keep herself in the public eye that she will do anything - including posing for spread shots while wearing cheesy lingerie - without a thought to how her children will interpret such pitiful grasping for youth on their mother’s part in the years to come. 

Gee, do you think she could peddle her music in a more dignified, respectable manner at her advanced age that her children could be proud of?

Probably not. This is Madonna, after all.

The good-girl actress who played Mary Ann on the popular TV show, Gilligan’s Island about a hundred years ago, is now serving a six month’s sentence of probation after getting busted with weed in her car.

She tried to pass it off on three hitchhikers she picked up and dropped off that had been smoking “something.” Unfortunately, she couldn’t come up with a good enough story to explain the half-smoked joints and two small cases in her car used to store good ol’ Mary Jane.

Gosh darn, isn’t it ironic that Bob Denver, her co-star from Gilligan’s Island, was arrested in 1998 for having a parcel of - you guessed it - marijuana delivered to his home.

Initially he said that the package had come from Dawn Wells (yup, Mary Ann), then later wouldn’t give her name in court.  He instead testified that “some crazy fan must have sent it.” He pleaded no contest and received six months’ probation.

Wouldn’t it be nice to think that we have at least a couple of TV icons from ‘way back when’ who owned up to the truth when put in the spotlight without shucking it off onto someone else.

Kind of makes you wonder what the Skipper, the Professor and Ginger were up to on that island, doesn’t it?

Obviously pregnant, Angie was spotted boarding a tiny jet in Texas yesterday.

My reaction is, “And…?” As in, “What’s the problem?”

Apparently The Daily Mail has a big problem with it, announcing on its pages:

Just 24 hours after revealing a not inconsiderable bump, brave Angelina was seen climbing aboard a private plane at an airfield in Smallsville, Texas, which appeared to be just a tad on the small side.

The actress arrived alone in a black 4×4, and could then be seen standing on the wing of the plane, with the front seat pulled forward in readiness for her to sit in the back.

However, considering her tall frame, and the size of her growing baby bump, it’s debatable how comfortable the 32-year-old actress would be in such a small space.

Angelina was accompanied by just a pilot, as neither partner Brad Pitt nor any of her four children accompanied her on the trip.

Apparently ”brave Angelina” wanted to get from Point A to Point B on an airplane and since this isn’t the 1800’s, she didn’t have to ride on a stagecoach to get there.

Sheesh, what’s the big deal? Women all over the world fly while pregnant. Angie’s apparently one of those women who fly even with a baby bump.

Now, if she was hang gliding over the Grand Canyon or from the Empire State Building, that might be a cause for concern.

Otherwise, come on…there’s gotta be better Brangelina news than this!

Is it just me or does Silda Spitzer, wife of pricey call-girl scandal king Eliot Spitzer - Gov. of New York, give us a pretty good idea what Jen’s wrinkles and saggy jawline will look like once time and all that Malibu sun does its dirty work aging the heck out of her face?

She’d better keep drinking her water and not skip any chemical peel appointments or it looks like Jen will need a couple of cranes to keep her face in place in about ten years!

Drew gave those seven figures away to charity - to the U.N.’s World Food Programme, to be exact. What a nice gift to the world considering how most celebrities prefer to hoard all of their money.

According to People magazine, “Barrymore told Oprah that an article on hunger prompted her to take action. She called up the U.N., said, ‘How can I help?’ and went on a mission.”

Imagine if all of Hollywood followed Drew’s example and started to give their money away. That’s right, they just gave it away.

To every kind of national social program and international aid project you can possibly think of. Even sharing their abundant wealth with, oh, let’s see - how about those who have the least among us, for instance, homeless and hurting people living in the streets?

Can you imagine what a great place the world would be - celebrities choosing to raise their families in regular houses instead of mansions, driving economy cars instead of lazing in the back seats of limos, eating at Mickey D’s instead of The Ivy?

Can you imagine…?

Nah, I can’t, either. Somehow the word “celebrity” is just not synonymous with the word “philanthropist,” is it?

Okay, he never actually proposed, but had she showed up for the “girlfriend audition” that has been swirling around gossip circles since 2005, she might today be ‘Jennifer Garner: Mrs. Zombie Cruise Scientolobot,’ instead of Katie Holmes.

The story goes that Tom went to the the head of Scientology, David Miscavige, and asked for help finding a new mate after his breakup with Penelope Cruz. A makeshift casting call was held (only in Tom Cruise’s world is dating a “casting call”).

 According to Page Six:

There were of course restrictions: You had to be single, pretty and in your twenties. While a few female Scientologists were rounded up - Traffic’s Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami’s Sofia Milos - they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. “They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order,” Marc says. “Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn’t do a tape…”

If you ask me, Jen, her husband, Ben Affleck and their little girl, Violet, are so doggone adorable together that you could just eat them right up like they were a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream, a cherry and tons of sprinkles on top.

This celebrity couple definitely doesn’t fit the typical Hollywood prototype.  Uh uh. Do you see them turning all freaky and morbid-to-stare-at like Tom and his Fourth Choice Bot Wife, Katie Holmes? Nope, it just aint happenin’.

If there was ever a Hollywood marriage destined to survive for the long haul, my money’s on this one.  Jen and Ben seem so solid in the way that they care for each other in their marriage that it should inspire the rest of us. They both love that daughter of theirs so much that you can just tell from looking at them that they are, in fact, a real family.